Sunday, January 25, 2009

True Story About Me

          I read an article in magazine which talk about " how the live lose its’ value if there is no dream". The article explained how people dreams' are relate to their background and surrounding or are affected by someone. So, i know I’m one of these people who dreams were affected by their background and surrounding.
         When i was a kid, I dream to be an artist. I have been a great interesting in drawings and painting. and my father has believed, i have a talent, So he always encourage me and provided any tools which progress my hobby. I liked that and i started to contribute in art classes and competitions. I Can't image my life without that encourage is given by my father who worked as a civil engineer in the construction company.
          In summer holiday, I went with my father to his work and there i found some architects had drown in sheets and with my Curiosity i looked at them and indivadually i began to simulate it. at that time i changed my dream to be an architect. I thought i would be like my father, but later i know that is a different field. After that, i began to interest in design of historical buildings and sketches were made by architects, my new hoppy continued Till i went to school of architecture for to be what i dream. I was exciting trough my study. But when i graduated from school, my dream grow up to search for my own style and Uniquely in field. So i came to USA for fellow that image. and even my way is hard, I ll' keep on.
            I had not any idea or understands of these strange changes in my dreams until read that article in magazine. And I know how surrounding conditions are affected in life and dreams. Another thing i learnt from my experiment is some moments can play major role in change of our dreams.     
        
                 

6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CONTENT
    The content’s fine. You told the audience you have dreams at the different stages due to bankground and surroundings, but your grammar and vocabulary is not as good as the content.

    COHESIVENESS
    In the second paragraph and the third paragraph need a sentence to connect.You can add a transition sentence at the end the second paragraph.

    GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
    1. Capital problem
    For example, "I thought i(I) would be like my father, but later i(I) know that is a different field."

    2. Fragment problem
    For example, "After that, i(I) began to interest in design of historical buildings and sketches (who) were made by architects,(and) my new hoppy(hobby)continued Till (till) i (I)went to school of architecture for to be what i(I) dream.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I put my comments on my blog:
    http://monkey4cec2see.blogspot.com/2009/01/sams-story.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. CONTENT
    I was exciting trough my study.--->I don't understand.

    COHESIVENESS
    I think you do a good job.
    How can you connect the second paragraph and the third paragraph?

    GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
    You should always capitalize the pronoun I.
    I Can't(can't) image my life without...

    ReplyDelete
  5. CONTENT
    It is difficult to follow.

    COHESIVENESS
    It is fine.

    GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY
    Should not write two to four sentences altogether in one sentence. It makes difficult to understand.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In summer holiday, I went with my father to his work and there i found some architects had drown in sheets and with my Curiosity i looked at them and indivadually i began to simulate it. at that time i changed my dream to be an architect.
    The second sentence, "at that time...", a should be a capital.

    I think your story is good and attract. When i finished reading,i began to think about my dream too.

    ReplyDelete